That’s a splendid last two paragraphs in chapter one.
In chapter two I liked the characterization, for example: “His response… was silence, and an expression of pained unhappiness.”
Then this passage made me laugh with appreciation of where they were both coming from, and at Daeron’s acerbity: “If the Valar truly wished for my return... …Self-pity is tiresome and unbecoming."
In Daeron’s thoughts which follow after this, I like the language and Daeron’s frustration and his view of Maglor as both stupid and as determined.
>He has been living in silence...< That paragraph speaks to me personally with Daeron’s songs in joy to all and sundry, and his contemplation of its loss – and Maglor’s. The untouched chair moved me, too, the detail revealing his bereft life. Daeron reining in frustration, ignoring flattery; the whole passage and delivery of Maglor as dutiful son: I very much liked those two sections, partly for Daeron's feelings.
Chapter Three Daeron’s sarcasm, and the story-line of this chapter are what stand out for me. You tell their story excellently well, showing Maglor’s feelings in a way that unfolds through the chapters. Daeron’s, too, stand out in strong relief.
Symphony The people’s feelings and the telling (your language and the way you show their feelings alongside their past) makes this story stand out in Silm fanfic. Some of what I liked so much in this last chapter are: "For all that it was celebrated," he went on, "it lacked something. It lacked joy. "We knew love, Daeron. Great love. Can you imagine what it is to have six brothers? I was never alone--" he turned from the window, his face half-lit and radiant, grinning crookedly. "For good or ill, I was never alone." “Too long has my voice been filled with sorrows.” “The full weight of history may be too much for any one man to bear alone.” "Mine is but to bring you home."
I’m left with a lingering impression of them both; they came alive in the reading, seeing them and feeling with them. Thanks for sharing the story.
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Date: 2009-10-24 07:40 am (UTC)In chapter two I liked the characterization, for example: “His response… was silence, and an expression of pained unhappiness.”
Then this passage made me laugh with appreciation of where they were both coming from, and at Daeron’s acerbity: “If the Valar truly wished for my return... …Self-pity is tiresome and unbecoming."
In Daeron’s thoughts which follow after this, I like the language and Daeron’s frustration and his view of Maglor as both stupid and as determined.
>He has been living in silence...< That paragraph speaks to me personally with Daeron’s songs in joy to all and sundry, and his contemplation of its loss – and Maglor’s. The untouched chair moved me, too, the detail revealing his bereft life. Daeron reining in frustration, ignoring flattery; the whole passage and delivery of Maglor as dutiful son: I very much liked those two sections, partly for Daeron's feelings.
Chapter Three
Daeron’s sarcasm, and the story-line of this chapter are what stand out for me. You tell their story excellently well, showing Maglor’s feelings in a way that unfolds through the chapters. Daeron’s, too, stand out in strong relief.
Symphony
The people’s feelings and the telling (your language and the way you show their feelings alongside their past) makes this story stand out in Silm fanfic. Some of what I liked so much in this last chapter are:
"For all that it was celebrated," he went on, "it lacked something. It lacked joy.
"We knew love, Daeron. Great love. Can you imagine what it is to have six brothers? I was never alone--" he turned from the window, his face half-lit and radiant, grinning crookedly. "For good or ill, I was never alone."
“Too long has my voice been filled with sorrows.”
“The full weight of history may be too much for any one man to bear alone.”
"Mine is but to bring you home."
I’m left with a lingering impression of them both; they came alive in the reading, seeing them and feeling with them. Thanks for sharing the story.